Friday, February 26, 2010

Influence through knowleddge and information belief constructs

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Limitation

Merley accepting and allowing my state of existence I exist in. SElf limitation, limiting myself to set patterns, set trains of thought.

Chris,
I continue to have thoughts about chris, about his expression of himself, i continue to have thoughts about him because of of how i related to him, how he expresses. its was suppression, i knew was fucking something, that shit was suppresseing, that was something, shit i dont understand. What was it. Shit, man i just had thoughts about not knowing how to swim, then i had thoughts about swimming nad shit, augh, what the fuck was that, did i suppress mysefl. it feels strange though, really strange, i forgave myself for what i had 'felt' was to be forgiven because of the moment i was/am in.I figured it was about my past application so i applied for it, shit now i have feelings about, well thoughts of..... this is strange something is happening to me. More self dishonest shit. SHIT. Moew *more thoughts again, pattern of my mind again, ok, this is going to continue if i dont get my ass up. Get my ass up and out of the past. Most of this shit is memories. Memories/past shit. Shit this whole mind system is about the past.woah.ow, ok not this way. I had a thought about the cat/relationship finger structural. And shit i think *presume that i could possibly be malnurished, like seriously malnurished, I figure that this is one of the main reasons why i feel this way physically. I have never really....hiding something, felt it on the back of my knee, i had the thought of not being able to eat because of the system, who the hell am i while i am eating, why the hell do i eat in the first place. Ego knee pops, both, shit man, i know this system is here becasue of my starting point. I think im malnurished too. I dont know, what the hell. Oh i had forgotten,the patterns , just got mind fucked a little, but the patterns, i have soem serious physical patterns, when i hunch over, freaking every moment, seriously every moment of my life, hunching. Ow, achillies, ah im living in the past, i wont let go, unconditionally forgive. Well i had the thought of foca speaking to me about hunching and then i had the thought of it getting really bad and not , ana and foca not being able to keep up the business, capoeira, i had the thought of foca saying that its not 'good' to hunch, and had the thought of foca 'judging' me. I just had another go at thoughts regarding judgments, had the thought of forgiving mysefl on here for judging foca and him seeing it and being offended, and then me saying to him that if you are not that then ............shit shit shitty shit shit fuck bithc , ow. perception shit sole of foot,. Well, the patterns were physical that i am /was focusing. *********woah had a nitty gritty moment, Women , regarding herpes, this is some nitty gritty shit, i mean dirty shit. See I have got some hear me please. I can remember wanting to get with women, to kiss them and have sex with them , knowing that i have some hear me please, i had not considered the women, well i did for a moment then i would seemingly forget, and just get possed with the desire to sex a girl. I would not care that i had hear me please,i didnt even really consider about how the woman would exist, live like how she would be 'after', I wouldnt even care, for instance when i wanted to have sex with caracol, palmeira, pintadinha, ana, pornstars, girl in my building, tapioca, girafa, acai, chicotinho,, holy shit my nose is numb, breathe. Dam something is happening to me. i dont know what it is. Ok. pimentinha , mulatta, carolina, waitressess from spanish restaurant, every woman i saw that i was attracted to on the streets, shani, bertha, renita, jessica, gina, this really feels like my old habit of application, shit i missed a point. The desire was *** This feels interesting, i really have a headache, also with this i was a....ow ow owow, I also continue to imagaine self forgivenesses. I aslo havent really gotten to the realization that i am Alon... ow, shit alright no more, o shit this is honesty, fucking honesty what the fuck. Comon where 's the self honesty. Man i know this is really not the priority oint, im ow ow, shit honesty again. Well with the hear me please, i was hesitant to approoach women. I was always shy(i think i am possessed) . I dont kow how to deal with possessions, do i just , well im not going wait, Holy shit, my wrists just cracked . Hmm this is a personality demon, alright, so i was hesitant to approach women, hence the reason why i neve..... somm,,,common, i was also hesitant to have sex and relationships with women because i did not want them to get my hear me please, herpes. I did want want to spread it, but i really did want to have sex. I had wanted to use condoms with them,. I would also imagine the woman a woman i was attracted to, trying to go down on me to give me blow job and i would say to only do it with a condom on, out of fear of spreading my herpes. i would want to kiss the women too but i knew that kissing spreads it as well. It was strange, i didnt let it get to me that much, i had suppressed mysefl within masturbation, i used masturbation, along with other points such as po.... I suppressed myself within the belief, hope the one of these days i would get aigrl to have sex with, that was all i really wanted, Just a 'desire for sex. The desire for the feeling, the desire for the sensations, ow. I can remember being a fiend, a fiend for sex. I had settled with the suppression, i dont know if i was patient or suppressing, i assume it was both, i had wanted a woman who had the same illness as myself, that was the main reason why , ow, ow, ow, fuck shit, not this , am i writing this as me, ow ow , yeah i am. Well that is how i had existed, i was shy, wanted to be approached and almost never really approaching out of fear of denial, feared being denied by women. I feared being 'hurt'' from getting turned down. I would always watch /look at a woman that i was attracted too. Oh yeah ginasta too. Its, and pocahontas, i remember her telling me about a story of herself regarding coisa wanting, no ...... self dishonest, gossip, shit, i can remember her speaking about the dishonesty of having sex with a woman without telling the woman that an illness exist. I can remember walking iwth her, with the intent on having sex with her, knowing that i have an illness that is contractable. ow. well this hear me please is from my **** I remember wanting to have sex with pocahontas, i really didnt know how sex would be like with my illness. I would go through phases off o and on. 'No cant have sex, i have this' , ' .. aah shti, dishonest. Shit thoughts, shit im numb and shi.. ow ok no . well, i had always hoped, with the condom inmy wallet, always 'prepared' for the opportunity that i 'hoped' for (CONSTRUCT). Hoping, depending, fearing, just flucking around with the mind really, I had hoped for a girl to just give herself. Woah, this is strange, i dont really feel this but dont know if it stil exist. Well this is strange. shit thoughts about permit test, shin points. hmm, well i know i had also gotten comfortable with my world that i had lived in. ow. hmm, ok. So i had allowed mysfl to be selfish only considering myself, compromised mysefl by allowing myself to hope I allowed mysfl to be deceptive in thought. This shows ponts of manipulation, really just self deception, self dishonesty, self suppression, beliefs, desires , expectations, fears, dependencies, oipup and inadequacy , ok now

Friday, February 19, 2010

2/26/10

Ok. Just went through a roller coaster again. I had been for a while wondering what is it with . I had ended up maiking the email, i sent the email and now, well then, i weent into a coaster of thoughts feelings and emotions, I am seeing a helluva lot of things, A.D.D., beliefs of amnesia,mind fuck, im seing lots of pictures, like a movie. and when i speak, type it, boof, theres the movie, its like i , even just then, i went throgh a forgetfulness shift. it was very suttle. when saying boof, what had wanted type, had prepared to type had changed, i was going to say and when i type and speak it, i react. This here as well, i would start with one thing, and then it would go to other poins without even touching the point istarted with. Go off into other shit. Stick with it. I ..... just went through another coaster, i would go off into thoughts during and after applying statements of self forgiveness. Just now i went into trainn of thought for a few seconds regarding me actaully living for mysefl. Specifidcally me being told or spoken about living, this process for myself, not for others. That was a thought that came up. It was me allwoig mysefl to go off into the mind again. when i apply self forgiveness, thoughts move, thoughts that have nothing to do with what i am forgiving myself for. This literally happened before, literally, this same senarios, tight throaht, warm head, (relationship right finger.) Its like am i going to stay within the life of experiences. Or am i goint to live my principles. Man typing ,, writing, it is something for me, its like to me or am, movement again.................well im still warm in my forehead, that means im still up therre somewhere. This is like the timeWhen i dropped school. Another thought, involving dropping school to go to SA, like a point that i missed within my forgivness. (agh, ) yeah i missed points, gone into daydreams again.. Well with dropping school my motive was that i did not want to be in education system, i didnt have a reason to be there, i was at first going to school to recieve tap money to pay for SRA.. I deemed that as self dishonest, i did not want to use . going to school just to take the tap money didnt 'feel' right, i judged the shyt out myself. I kept on wondering 'what to do what to do', i would feel ths no directive principle.

Daydreams again, this time about the farm, getting trained, and things, not allowing myself to direct myself, going off into dreams, wishes, well a dream would be a desire eh. Desire. the pain is telling me no.
Hmm, well my forehead is still warm . ok what is it that i am looking for , missing. these are repeating for a reason, what is it, this is what i have been attempting, focusing on seeing. What is it there are many points that i see, and when i work with them, when i work with them.. hmm i remember this feeling, its a feeling of waiting. And i just had a thought about me being so far behind in process. Behind whwat, others, other , myself, how i could be, could have been. . what i could have been i......off on direction again. This keeps happening, I had the thought of being so behind in process because i was twitchin and I am experiencing myself in a past similar state, directino again. Subtle things that get to me, really sublte . REAlY SUBTLE. Really, so when did the sublte moment start with me, THOUGHTS, IDEAS, BE_LIE_FS, specifically it started recently speaking when i was called upon by g.. Immaturity, went into another moment. Thoughts, now there are thoughts about the farm again, i have these thoughts again. ok, stop, to stop this there is only myself. ok, to stop this is to self forgive. what is stopping me. What is the subtle thing about me. What is it about me is it that i am not seeing clearly, what about me, is createing beliefs, and ideas, . Well i think and react to the thinking, i would have a thought, and not like it, push it away and be like it didnt really happen to me, yet be affected by it. I would have thaought and like it, and participate in it and then feel like it is was me. I would have casual/neutral thgoutshs that i would allow. I give passage way to .. i let thoughts affect me, i let, for instance these thoughts of being ridiculed and pushed down by others ethat are not of systmes anylonger, on the farm, in my mind, imagining things, it seeems to be inferiority that i allow to reign. Free choice is really hurting. It must be something i am not doing, that i believe that i have the choice to not do. WEll i am not stopping the daydreams, that is one thing that i am not doing, out of what, fear,belief, that i cant apply forgivenss, perception, old thoughts comming up now,of sleeping on the floor at the farm. What is ethis.... hm, well, could this be obsession, obsessed with thoughts about the farm. Obsessed with the farm itself. Thats what it seems like, an obsession. ZSeems like amind fuck. Now my forehead is really hot, and my ankle on my left is hurting, no directive principle no flow no movemtns, i feel like it could have been an obsession, or is an obsession, obsessed over thgouthts , obsessed over knowledge and information, my beliefs created by them. I created ideas. Yeah obsession irrationally passionate. about thoughts. about the farm, thoughts abolut others,, really hot forehead again. I am obsessed over the daydreams, thoughts . For what purpose, reason, would i allow mysefl to become obsessed. Where did i allow obsession to kick in, when, how,?
The thoughts about going to the farm became obsessive when i had realized that there is a system manifested within me and forgiveness became food for it. Thats when i had become obsessed over finding the point. I had become even more obsessed , .. I had become obsessed over going to the farm, well thoughts of going to the farm when the continued to appeaer, i had become obsessed over actaully going there and then attempted to fight it fight it with not allowing myself to stay in the thgoughts, The thoughts became repetitive, i had been obsessed over thinking about desteni, every moment almost i would think about destni, i have always had the relationship finger hurting, it could be from obession, to be obsessed is to be in a type of relationshpi. I was obsessed about typing on the forum, reallya bout not typing on the forum.
obsessed aabout the forum itself, obsessed about things that i know of, things about the information that i have obtained,it is very subtle now how i relate to things, then obsess over it. I would plan out of obsession. I was obsessed over videos, i became . Doing things out of obsessive behavior patter(pain Thumb lft) i was deeply obsessed over thought, Am deeply obsessed. The obsessiveness. it is interestingly subtle now. So subtle that it is/was hard to see. i would obsess over points as well, its interesting becasue after i typed and sent the email i obsessed over it(ego point left), I would obsess over not suppressing a point. i would have a point that i am having, dealing with facing, and would not want it to suppress, so i would obsess over it because of what knowledge and information i have about supression. I would obsess over not obsesing. (ow ) Obsessing over manifestations. Obsessed over fears: of applying self dishonesty, consequences. Obsess over my experiences. Obsessed over a lot. My image. Ok, at the moment the obsession point begins with the thoughtss.


Obsession

Friday, February 12, 2010

Manipulation

I had manipulated everything, it was all manipulation, everything was manipulation. I had no clue, well yes i did but the word, it all shows, i had manipulated myself, i had manipulated self forgiveness, i had manipulated muscle communication, i manipulated self honesty. I manipulated myself, i manipulated oneness and equality, with the idea that i had of it. I manipulated myself by allowing mysefl to go into ideas nd shit. I manipulated myself with desires, intents i manipulated muscle communication with desires and intents, i manlipustaed self forgiveness with desires and intents, i manipulated knowledge and information given to me from desteni. I manipulated myself. Wondering why nothing was going moving, because i was fukin manipulative. Its like my fucking nature, to be manipulative. I had manipulated the way i saw things, only saw things in a certain way. I manipulated the way i did things, only did things in certain way, wont even try anything new. I manipulate self forgiveness when i stop and think while doing self forgivnenss. I manipulate self forgiveness when i stop and then continue later. I had manipulated people, friends, family, desteni, people i dont know, Lina, i mean its fucking manipulation to masturbate to pornography. I manipulated masturbation, i manipulated sex, i manipulated money, i manipulated school. I manipulated my body, i manipulated my feelings and emotions, i manipulated ideas about the dimensions, i manipulated breathing,

I forive mysel f that i have acccepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated self forgiveness.
i forgive mysefl that I hav eaccepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated self forgiveness by having intents desiers and wants and needs.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted anda llowed mysefl t ohave manipulataed self forgiveness by allowing mysefl to have secret wants and needs.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and alloweed myself to have manipulated self forgiveness by allowing mysefl t ostop instide the self forgivness sentence stantement and just believe that i can continue.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed myesfl t ohave manipulated mysefl by allowing mysefl to manipulate self forgiveness.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated self honesty.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have for this entire process manipulated self forgiveness.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated self honesty for this process.
I forgiv emysefl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have manipulated self honesty by believing that i was being self honest while i manipulated fesefl forgivnes.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave manipulated mysefl by believing that i was being self honest.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have manipulstatd muscle communcation.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have maniuplutatied muscle communication by allowing mysefl t o have desires and intents and wants and needs, believing that i can do muscl communication with this manipulatino
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and laalllowed mysefl t ohave manipulated muscle communication by allowing mysefl to participate within and as thoughts of desire.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have manipulated self forgiveness,, self honesty and self suupport through muscle communication.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated the principle of oneness and equality.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have manipulateed the principle of onenss and equality by believing that if i desire it and want it, i can get it by manipulating slef forgiveneess and self honesty.
I forgive mysefl that I hav e accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated mysefl by believing thta i am participtating within and as oneness and equality by forginv myefl for stuff wwithin and as manupustlion.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have manipulated myself by believing thta i was actually participating within and as oneness and equality with self forgivness and self honesty.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysef lto have manipulated mysefl by believing that i was moving along when i was fuking around, i had allowed mysefl to manipulate and fuck mysefl.
i forgive mysefl tha t i have accepted and allowed myeself to have manipulated desteni.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipualted desteni by manipulated the knowledge and information obtaioned from them, by creating ideas, and using them for self interest.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepetd and allowed mysel to hvae manipulated desteni by having thoughts that they could help me exist within and as my own existence of manipulation.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated mysefl by allowing mysel to manipulate the information from desteni to my liking,
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my freinds.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my frineds for that i had used them,
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysel to have manipulated my freinds by using them for company, and not seeing them one and eqaul t omysefl
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my freinds by judging them, yet still hanging withi them becuase i wanted company.
I forgive myesfl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have manipulated my family.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my grandma.
i forgive mysefl that ihae accepted and allowed myself to have manipulated my grandmother with her money.
i forgive mysefl that i have accepted anda llowed mysefl t ohave manipulated my mother.
i forgive myefl tha i hae accepted adn llowed mysefl to have manipulated my mother by always asking her tgo pick me up from my frineds houe out of the means of convinence.
I forgive myself ethat i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated mysefl by manipulating my mothe and my grandmother.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my aunt.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my aunt by only going to her for when i needed money.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave manipulated myself by manipulating my aunt.
i forgive mysefl that i ave accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my little cousin.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have manioluat desrie.
i forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have mnaipulated desriee for that i had hit her and screamed at her in the past.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my cousin desireee by trying to control her expression of herself to suite my wants and needs
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have manipulated desiree by tying to control her.
i forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my little sister katrinna.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have manipulated beena in the past by trying to control her by telling her to shut up when she expressed herself.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my little siters expression of herself.
I forgive mysefl taht i have accepetd anda llowed mysefl to have manipulated mysefl by allowing mysefl to manipulate my little sister.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysel to have manipulated my father.
I forgive mysefl that iave accepted anda llowed mysfl to have manipulagted my father by only calling him for money.
I forgive mysefl that i have accceptd and allowed mysfl t have manipulated my father by only contatcting him becuase i wanted somehting.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and lallwoed mysefl to have manipulated mysefl by manipulating my father.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipularted my human physical body.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated my human phyacal body by not eating when i was hungry.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated mysefl by manipulating my humnan physical body.
I forgive myefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave manipulsted my human physical body by strenously exerciscing.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated people around me, by judging them.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated people around me by continously judging them.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to manipulate knowledge and information.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have manipulated knowledge and information by not allowing mysefl to utillize it when i get it.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulateed breathing.
I forgive mysel that i have accepted and allowed mysfl to have manipulated breathing by making ideas and beliefs about it instead of realizing that i live as breath.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have manipulating pornography.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated pornography by masturbating to pornography.
i forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated porn stars by masturbating to them, raping them of their existence, raping mysefl of my existence.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and alllowed mysefl to have manipulated the dimensions.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have manipulated the dimension by creating ideas about it and trhen living off of it,
I forgive mysefl that i have acceptd and allowed mysefl to become ashamed of msefl for manipulating my world.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to feel guilty for manipulating my world.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to feel ashamed of mysefl for manipulating self forgivenss.
I forigve mysefl that i have accepted anda llowed mysefl to feel ashamed of mysefl for manipulating self honesty
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted anda llowed mysfl t ofeel ashamed of mysfl for manipulating the principle of oneness and equality.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysfl to feel ashamed of mysefl for manipulating my frinds.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to feel ashamed of mysefl for manipulateig my family.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed myasel fto feel ashamed of myself for manipulateing my mother, my grandmother my aunt and my cousing and my little sister and my father.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to feel ashamed for manipulating porography.
i forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl be ashamed of mysefl for manipulating pornstars.
i forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated masturbation.
I forgvie mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manipulated breathing
I forgive mysefl that i have accepet and allowed mysefl to have existied within and as shame and guilt for manipulating breaghin.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have become guilty and ashamed for manipulating masturbation.
I forgive mysefl that i have not allowed mysefl to not manipulate mysefl and others.

I stop manipulation
I am no manipulative.
Till here no further
Manipulation is self abuse,
I stop.
I stop manipulation of myself.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Honesty Demon

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have based my sself honesty on thoughts feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave based my self forgiveness, off of the assumption that i was being self honest when i was acutally basing mysefl off of thoughts feelings and emotions, not realizing tht i was decieving mysefl .
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to the following of thoughts feelings and emotino and believing them to be me expreesing mysel self honesly.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave abused mysefl by believeing hat i was expressing mysefl self honestly when in actuallity i was abusing mysefl , i had manipulated mysefl within and as the enslavement to the honesety demon.
I forgive mysefl taht i hav e accepted and allowed mysefl to have enslaved mysefl t othe honesty demon, not standing one and equal to mysefl as the honesey demon.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to have decieved myself by believeing that i was being self honest when i had realizied a point within and as thoughts, when in actuality, the realization was false for taht it was of thought, i am not defined by false realizations for that is acdtually self dishonesty it is not self honesty it is enslavement to the honesty demon, it is not me standing one and equal to mysefl as the honsty demon.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined self realization, as that of thoughts feelings and emotions that were seen within and as 'honesty' that i s of self deceition for tht honesty only exist as self manifpustion.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to base mysefl off of separation for that to follow athought feeling or nad emotion is of separation for that all of them only geneerate when i am benig self dishonbest to myself and to then define that following as self honesty is actually self dishonesty wihtin and as self deceptoin.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave decieved mysefl by following thoughts feelings and emotino sand defining them as realizations when the realization only is me as when i actually realize mysefl within and as actual self honesty through realizing that i am not actually thosse thoughts, feelings and emotions, they are telling me that i am separating mysefl from mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have enslaved myesfl to the honesty demon by believing that i am being self honest when decieving mmysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined self realization as that of thinking,feeling and having emotions.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to have based my expression of mysefl according to that of self deceptoin through self dishonesty through honesty.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allwed myself to embrace the honesty demon as me equal and one and then realize mysefl within the honesty demon instead of enslaving mysefl t oit.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have justified and hid mysefl from mysefl by allowing mysefl to participate within and as the belief that i was being self honest when having realizations that were actually just me folowing thoughts feelings and emotions.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have self dishonestly separated mysefl from mysefl by justifiying my hiding from mysefl ignoratntly by allowing mysefl to define self realizaionts according to thoughts feelings and emotions.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have hidden mysefl within and as self dishonesty through false self realizations and then wondered why i was of self dishonesty, assuming that i had realized points of mysefl self honestly when i was fooling mysefl, i had decieved and manipulated mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i have acceptd and allowed mysefl to have participated within and as self dishoesety by manipulatin myself, abusing mysefl by defining my self realizaions according to honesty through following thoughts feelings and emotions.

Realize thoughts feelings and emotions are generated from me participating within and as self dishonesty
To follow them as realizations is deception and self abuse
To stand one and equal to them and then as them realize myself is where self realization exist and then stand as the point.
To follow honesty is of deception.
I am one and equal to the honesty demon.
Embrace the honesty demon as me and realize mysefl within and as it.
I am one and equal to myself as what i have accepted and allowed, i embrace what i have accepted and allowed within me and realize mysefl within my embracing of myself.

Prophet System Demon

I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ofear the future.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysfl to have enslaved mysefl to the prophet system demon by allowing mysfl to fear the future.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave manifested the future by feariing it and enslaveing mysefl to the prophet system demon.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl t ofeaer future projections.
I forgive mysefl taht i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined myself according to the fear of future projection, assumtions of what the future wiill could possibly entail which is of fear, not real, not real.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and lallowed mysefl to have feared the future which is acutally fear of future projections, fear of assumtions, fear of thoughts, feelings and emotions which enslaved me to the prophet systme demon.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have separated mysefl from the prophet sysetm demon by not standing one and equal to the prophet system demon.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defeined mysefl as separatte from the prophet system demon by fearing the future which had enslaved myself to hte prophet system demon.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to fear future projections of the economy.
I ofrgive mysfl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to have feared furture projections of the fall of the money system.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to the fear of the future regarding the state of the economy, allowing mysefl to be controlled by thoughts feelings and emotions regarding the separation due to enslavement to the prophet system demon.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have based my expression of mysefl as separate from mysefl by fearing the future, fearing the furture projections based off of knowledge and information, enalaving mysefl to the prophet system demon.
I forgive mysefl that i have not allowed mysefl to stand one and equal to the prophet system demon.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed mysefl to embrace the prophet system demon as me, for that it is me, it is me, it is what i have accepted and allowed as me one and equal.
I forgive mysefl that i have not accepted and allowed mysef lto have stood one and equal to my prophet system demon as me here as breath and realize myself through this stand of oneness and equality to mysefl and see mysefl.

I am one and equal to the prophet system demon,
To fear the future is to separte me from myself as the prophet sytem demon and then self realizaton would not be possible for taht i had separated mysefl from the prophet system demon.
I am one and equal to the prophet system demon as me.
I stand one and equal to my system demons.
I embrace my system demons
I realize mysefl within and as my system demons as me and amalgamate mysefl within them as me and then realize mysefl within them and see me, aware of me.

Peace System Demon

I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to believe that peace exists.
I forgive mysefl thta i have acceptd and allowed mysfl to have believe that i had experienced peace.
I forgive mysefl that i have acceptd and allowed mysefl to have believed that i am peaceful
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to have desired peace.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to peace.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and llowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to the consturct of the polarity of peace for that i am separating mysefl from mysefl i f i define mysfl as peace for that if peace exists, war exists.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from mysefl by separating mysfl form the peace system demon by enlaveing mysefl to the peace system demon by believing that i am of peace.
I forgivae myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysfl as a positive polarity construct as peace.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to hae separated myself form mysefl by defining mysefl according to peace, not realizing that i am one and equal to all that exists, including war.
I forgive myseelf ttha i have accepted and allowed war to exist by defining mysfl as peaceful.
I forgive mysfl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to decieve mysefl by believing that i am peaceful.
I forgive myself that i have not allowed mysefl to realize that peace in itself is an illusion for that in this world peace only exist for that conflict exist, as a polarity construct.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysfl to when in distress, which is an emotion, desire to experience peace, feeling.
i forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to when in distress, desire to be in peace and go and eat tasty foods to 'feel' better to feel peaceful.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to the illusion of peace by eating foods to feel peacefull form having a rough day.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysfl to have defined mysefl according to separation by allowing mysfl to participate within and as the polarity construct of peace and conflict.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t obelieve that i can be in conflict with mysefl.
I forgive mysefl thta ihave accepted and alllowed mysefl to have believed that i can be the polar oppostie of conflict as peace with mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysfl according to the feelings which are illusions that i get from eating food when in distress.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from mysefl by alloiwng something separate from myself to manifest peace within me, instead of me as mysefl existing as self peace. peace as mysefl as self acceptance.
I forgive mysefl that i have not accepted and allowed mysefl to stand one and equal to the peace system demon, and instead separtated mysefl from the peace sysstem demon by allowing mysefl to be moved by the feeling of peace from an outside manifestation, not allowing mysefl to accepte mysefl as self peace.

I am one and equal to the peace system demon
I am Self peace, Self acceptance, self aware as self
One and equal to my system demons as me. Here.
I accept and embrace me here and realize me through this embracement.

Energy System Demon.

I forgive myself that i have accepetd and allowed mysfl to have enlaved mysefl to the energy system demon by believing that energy exist.
I forgive mysefl that i have acceptd and allowe dmysefl to believe that envergy exists.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmysefl to be confrolled by energy by believing that it exists.
I forgive myself that i have accetped and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from mysefl by believing that energy exists and that i am of energy.
I forgive mysefl tah i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have believeid that i am of energy.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave participatied within and as the belief that energy exists.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave believed that latharica exists.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defiend myself according to that of being lathargic during moments when i suddenly feel tired.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have believed in the illusion of feeling tired, feeling lathargic when it is an illusion that is not real for that i t is of energy and i f i particiapte within this energy, i am then enslaved to this energy, not expressin gmysef as mysefl here.
I forgive myself that i havae acceptd and allowed mysefl to have voiced 'i am tired' which promotes and validated the thought which then, validates my enslavement to the illusion that i am tired which is of energy.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from mysefl by believing that i am of tiredness and that i can possibly be lathargic for that both is of the mind, both is of energy, both is of self dishonesty illusion that doesnt exist.
I forgive mysefl that I have accpeted and allowed mysefl to havae enslaved mysefl to the energy system demon, not standing one and equal to it as me, embracing it as me.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave not realized that the energy system demon is one and equal to me and that to believe that i am of energy is separating me from mysefl and from the energy system demon for that the system demons are here within and as me assist and support me to realize who i really am.
I am one and equal to the energy system demon
I stand as equal and one the energy system demon.
I am not defined by energy
I am not controlled by energy
I am not enslaved by energy.
I stand one and equal to my system demons as me. I embrace my system demons as me and realize mysefl within and as my system demons as me here.

Wisdom System Demon

I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have defined mysfl according to wisdom
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowe dmysfl to have defined mysfl as wise.
I forgive mysefl tht i have acceptd adn allowed mysfl to have defined mysefl according to my trial s and tribulations within and as the definition of fate which is of an illusion, fate is not real.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysfl to have justified my reasons for having fucked up in life as that of fate and then deeming mysefl as wise.
I forgive mysfl taht i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl as that of experiencing mysefl for something that is of fate, and not as me realizing me as what i have accepted and allowed within me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysfl according to the manifestation of fate by defining mysefl according to that of the enslavement to the wisdom system demon.
I forgive mysefl that i have not acceptd adnd allowed mysefl to stand one and equal t othe wisdom system demon.
I forgive mysefl that i have not accepted and allowed mysefl to stand one and equal to myself as the wisdom system demon.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have deemed experiences of mysefl within and as my past as that of fate, which is of self deception as an illusion from accepted and allowed enslavement to the wisdom system demon.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to that of fate, accordint to something outside of me making choices for me, when it is me participating within and as preprogrammed experinces
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed myself to have defeined mysefl as wise for the experiences that i had in the relationship with lina.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl as that of a being of wisdom for the trials and tribulations that ihad experienced within and as the relationship to lina.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have justified the reason why the realationship fucked up as that of fate.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have not realizd that fate is an illusion, the relationship was not of fate, it was preprogrammed to manifest the way it did and to justify the experience as that of fate is self dishonest.
I forgive myself thta i have accepted and allowed mysfl to have believed thta it was fate to have experienced mysefl the way tha i did with lina and then defined my expression of myself as that of wise, that of wisdom, that of an illusion, that of enslavement for that wisdom is enslavemenet to the wisdom system demon.
I am one and equal to the wisdom system demon
I am one and equal as the wisdom system demon
I stand one and equal to the wisdom system demon
I stand one and equal to all system demons as me.

Knowledge System Demon

I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to when absorbing obtaining knowledge within me, just leave it as it is without living my words as the knowledge i had obtained.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to the knowledge that i have yet to live.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have participated witin and as the separation of mysefl from knowledge by not living it, not living the knowledge as me.
I forgive myself thta i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave desired to share knowledge without living the words as me.
I forgive mysefl tath ihave acceptd anda llowed mysfl to have defiened mysefl according to the knowledge that i have obtained and not yet lived and then desired to tell.
I forgive mysefl that i have not allowed mysefl to stand one and equal to that knowledge that i had obtained.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysfl to have not stood one and equal to mysefl by standing one and equal to what i have allowed within me as knowledge and living my words as this knowledge as the living word.

I am one and equal to the knowledge system demon
I stand as one and equal to the knowledge system demon.
I embrace the knowledge system demon as me here, and realize mysfl within and as this embracing of mysefl here.

Information System Demon.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted anda llowed mysefl t ohave defined mysefl according to that of information.
I ofrgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have expressed mysfl within and as information by speaking and talking out of words learned and not lived.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have desired to tell other beings words of what i had learned as that of information for that it was owrds that i have not yet lived as me.
I forgive mysefl taht i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from the information attained by allowing mysfl to not live it, and then attempt to express it.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have desired to share the knowledge and information obtained through desteni to orhter beings.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have desired to share and express the knowledge and information obtatined through desteni to my african american literature class, saying that race is a construct.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysfl t ohave defined mysefl according to words not yet lived by me by desireing to tell other beings about the knowledge and information that i have.
I forgive mysefl that I have not allowed mysefl to live the knowledge and information obtained as me here.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have not stood equal and one with the knowledge and information obtained through desteni by not living the words of the knowleddge and information within and as me and rthen wanting to share, tell, suggest the words to others, which is of separtation for that it would be of the mind, not of expression.
I forgivemyself that i have acccepted and allowed mysefl to have desired to speak of the mind, speak of thought, and not speak of my expression of myself by desireing to share to other beings what i have 'leaerned' about what is and what is not through the knowledge and information i had obtaine thorugh the deesteni site.
I forgive myself that i have acceptd and allowed mysefl t ohave separted mysefl from mysefl by separating mysefl form the information system demon b allowing it to control me and not standig one and equal to it as me.
I forgivemyself that ihave not allowed mysefl to stand one and equal to the information system demon by not allowing mysefl to speak of information, and living my words and speaking of words lived.

I am one and equal to the information system demon.
I stand one and equal t othe information system demon.
I speak of words lived. I embrace the information system demon.
When speaking of thoughts, check mysefl and correct mysefl within my expression of mysefl.
I embrace within and as oneness and equality the information system demon and realize mysefl within and as this embracing.
I stand as one as equal to my system demons as me here.

Ascension System Demon

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to havae believed that i was going to participate within and as acension in 2013.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to hae believed that i was going to go to the 4ht and 5th dimensions in 2013 and that all of the world would go to the new dimension and expereince dimsional aliens.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to have believed that i was going to go somewhere, somewhere out there, some delusion of my mind when i dont exist out there because i am here.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have participatied within and as the belief of ascension, through knowledge and informatoin, by just believing that i would ascend to another place, realm if i had attained a certain type of knowledge and information, which was a total mind fuck for that acension is a belief, is a constrruct does not exist within existence.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have been influenced by alex collier and the allies to humanity by believing and trusting them within and as the belief of ascension and then assuming that in 2013 i will ascend as well.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave defined mysefl according to trust in acension.
I forgive mysfl that ihave accepted and allowed mysef to have parrticiapted within and as the assumtion that i willl ascend to another realm by sharing the information to other beings, t omy friends and assuming that it was true, when in fact i was in a mind fuck fucking arouind within and as self dishonesty, fucking around with mysefl within and as my system demons as me.
I forgive msfl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl form the ascension system demon by believing tht i can go somewhere, somewhere out there, somewhere in a nother dimension in 2013
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined the year 2013 as a yeaer of acension, which is an illusion a dulusion.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have had the expectation of ascending in 2013 based off of knowledge and information.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have enslaved mysefl to the ascension system demon by believing in ascension in 2013 instead of remeaing here and not allwoing myefl to fall into the trap of enslavement to an illusion delusion of ascension.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to haave not stood one and equal to the ascension demon as me.
I forgive mysefl taht i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from mysefl by believing in ascension.
I forgive mysefl taht i haave accepted and allowed mysefl to hae participated within and as self dishonesty through self decpetion through separating mysfl from myself by separtating mysefl from the ascension system demon by believing in ascension.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to believe that ascension exist.

I am one and equal to the acension system demon
I stand one and equal to hte acension system demon
I am not enslaved the the belief of ascension.
I embrace and stand one and equal to the ascension system demon and realize myself within and as thie embracing of the ascension system demon as me here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted anda allowed mysefl to have manifested the numbness on my left side of my body due to self dishonesty.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have amniefested the retreating of my pink in my nails due to self dishonesty.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have suppressed mysefl within instead of expressing mysefl withiout.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed myself to continuously say that i will not give up, and not actually find the point that needs to be worked with.


I forgive mysefl that I have accepted anda llowed mysefl to have had the starting point of ego within my self forgiveness.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have egotistically stated that i will get through this no matter what i have go through as a means of separation from what i am am currently experiencig.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have limited mysefl from myself by separating mysefl from my entire mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feared what is going to happen to me.
I forgive mysefl thta I have accepted and allowed mysefl to fear having s siezure and possibly dying.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepteed and allowed mysefl to have feared consequences of my accepted and allowed self dishonesties.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have fueled the ego as separate from me by not standing one and equal to the ego and defining the ego as that of something that i must get rid of, instead of something tht i have to realize.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to the separation betwwenn mysefl and the ego of the mind.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have not stood one and equal to mysefl and withihn this standing of inequality, manifested mysefl as that of separation.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to separation by allowing mysefl to suppress myself wtihin me, accepting and allowing mysefl to have believed that i am completly alone in existtence when i am all in existence as me, i am one and equal to all, i just have to realize it and not separate mysefl form myself.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manifested mysefl as that of complete separation through limitation through suppression of mysefl within and as my starting points of self forgiveness.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to haave hd the starting point of ego.
I forgive myasefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have had the starting point of desire.
I forgive mysefl that I hav eaccepted and allowed mysefl to have had the starting point of recognotion, the desire for recognition,
I forgive mysefl hta i have accepted and allowed mysel to hvae had the startingn point of lazinness.
I forgive mysefl that I have acceptd and allowed mysefl to have ahd the starting point of procrastinoation.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave had the strating point of separation from my world.
I forgive mysefl that I hav eacceptd and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl form my entire life, separated mysefl from how i lived before, when how i lived before is how i am today, for that i am what i have accepted and allowed mysefl to live as which is manifested within and as me. limiting mysefl form expressing mysefl .
I forgive mysfl that Ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl fromthe system that has manifested within and as me, wanting and desireing it to be gone when in acutality it is me, it is me, manifested in separation from mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i have acceptd andlalowed myself to have just wanted to return to how i was withoiut these manifestations, not realizing that this is what i have accepted and allowed to exist as and i must realize mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manifested this expression of mysefl onto mysefl, not allowing mysefl to express myself as mysefl,
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become entrapped within the system that i have created due to separation.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have , becuase of accepted and allowed separation manifested mysefl aas that of a system, a separttion of the system that i am at the moment, not allowing mysefl to express myself as mysefl within and as a system.
I forgive mysefl tath I ahve accepetd adnd allowed myself to have believed that i will just leave from being a system.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed mysefl to realize that i have allowed htis to happen, and i have to face me here.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have feared the limitation system that is manifested on me.
I forgive mysefl that I have acccepted and allowed mysefl to have defiend mysefl as separate from the limitation system.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from myself by separating mysefl form the limitation system, not realizing that to realize mysefl is to stand one and equal to me aas the physical as me as a system that i have allowed mysefl to be.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl form myself by allowing myself to believe that i am separate from the mind conciousness system, fueling the systems of my sseparation , not allowing myself to particitpate within and as the oneness and equality of myself to mysfl as the system for that i am this system.
I forgive mysfl that i have not allowed mysefl to realize that to be aware, intimate and realize mysefl, i have stand one and equal to myself.
I forgive mysefl that i ahve not allowed mysefl to reamain aware of mysefl .
I forgive mysefl that i hve not allowed mysefl to remain intimate with myself.
I forgive mysefl thta i have not allowed mysefl to realize mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that I have not allowed mysefl to direct mysefl
I forgive mysefl that I have anot allowed mysf to move mysefl.
I forgive msy that I have acceptd and allowed myasefl to have not expressed mysefl within and as my own expression. believing that i am somehting else
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to copy other beings.
I forgive mystlf taht i have acceptd and allowed mysefl t ohave copied the expression of others, whithoiu expressing mysefl.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have copied other peoples expression of themselves, and the way the do and move themselves instead of just expressing mysefl as myself,
I forgive myself that I have accepetd anda llowed mysefl to have stood wwithin and as inequality to mysefl, by allowing mysefl to coppy patterns of mysefl and of otheres.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl form the people in capoeirea class.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from capoeira class.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have allowed the thoughts of what wexist within me to control me.
I forgive mysefl that i Have accepted and allowed the pokemon song to manifeset within me.
I forgive mysfl that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad when feeling my body going numb.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have not faced all of my points that i have within and as me. all of my system demons.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepetd and allowed mysefl to have ignored all of my system demons.
I forgive mysefl that i Have accpeted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl form all of my system demons.
I forgive mmysefl that Ihave accepetted and allowed mysefl to have limited myself to only facing a few of the system demons when knowing that there are more system demons thn just fear, sex, desire and masturabtion.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from myself by not facing all of my system demons.
I forgive mysefl that I have not allowed mysefl to even consider that i have pushed myself as my system demons to the side and limited mysefl to not facing my system demons.
I forgive mysefl that ihave not alllowed mysfl to be aware of mysefl as all of what i have accepted and allowed. every construct , every desingn, every manifesteation, every pattern all habitts, and just stopping.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated my system demons from me, allowing mysefl to only look at few and make them conditional.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have thoughts of rather not knowing about whwat exists and not suffering from my ideas about how to face mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have regreetteed realizing that i am a system for that i am living within and as ideas, exprectations and future projections and not living here.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysfl to manifest mysefl inside o fregret.
I forgive mysefl that i Have accepted and allowed mysefl to have lived within and as an idea about self forgiveness and process.
I forgive myself thta I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have pariticpated withn and as expectations for my process.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have participated within and as ideas and expectations and future projection about muscle communication.
I forgive mysefl that i have acceptd and allowed mysfl to have defiend mysefl according to the ideas expectations and future projections about muscle communication.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to a future projection of mysefl within and as muscle communication.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to ffeaer going into the dimensions.
I forgive mysefl that ihave accepted and allowed myesfl to fefar dying and then going into the dimentions.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to fear having to apply mysefl in the dimenstions and not living here.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysef lto feaer losing mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i have acceptd and allowed mysefl to fear losing my life.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to fear losing the life that i live here.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to feaer losing the life that i have comfortably lived here.
I forgive myesfl tht ii have accepted and allowed mysefl to defeine mysefl according to the fear of loosss of the life that i live here.
I forgive mysefl that iHave accepted and allowed mysefl to have suppressed mysefl within and as the fear of loss, the fear of lossing mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i Have acceptd and allowed mysefl t ohave particitpated with the fear of loss by defeinng mysefl according to the fear of lossing mysefl, the fear of losing my life the fear of dying, the fear of not reamaing here inthe life that i live.
I forgive mysefl tehat i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have limited my expression of mysefl for that i feared losin myself.
I forive mysefl tht ihave accepted and allowed mysefl to fear losing my systematic life.
I forgiv myeself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to fear losing the way that i apply self forgiveness.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to fear lossin my life to the system that i had accepetd and allowed to manifest within me due to separation.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ofear losing mysefl t othe systems that are me.
I forgive mysefl ethat i have accepted and allowed myself to have defiend mysefl as infereiror to the systems
I forgive mysefl that I have accepetd and allowed mysefl to particicpate within and as inferiority, assuming that i am less that asll of what i have accepted and allowed.
I forgive mysfl that i ahve accepetd and allowed mysefl to have believed that i am inferior to desteni.
I forgive mysfl tha i have accepted and allowed mysefl to believe taht i am inferior to self forgiveness in every moemtn of breath.
I forgive mysfl that i have acceptd and allowed mysefl to have believed that i am inferior to masturbation
I forgiv e mysefl that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to have believed that i am inferior to bernard.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have believed that i am inferior to sunette.
I forgiv emysel taat i have acceptd and alowed mysefl to have bellieved that i am inferior to the syestems that are within and as me.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to suppress my voice for that i believed that i was inferior
I forgive mysel that i ahve accepetd and allowed mysefl to have withheld my words, my expression, the way i sepak hwo i do things, inside of me for that i believed that i am inferior.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined mysefl according to separations by going into ego and believing that i am inferiorl.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to limit mysefl by judgeing mysefl.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have separated mysefl from the religious system.
I forgive mysfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have defined myslf as inferior to the religious system within and as the limitationsystem.
I forgive myseft that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have manifested mysefl within and as the construct of trust for that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to asuume that i am inferior.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have self dishonestly applyied self forgiveness within and ass the moments of forgiving mysefl about the religiouis system.
I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have have manifested mysefl to believe that i am inferior out of comparisson to otheres.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepetd and allowed mysefl to compare mysefl to beings on desteni.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have compared mysefl to beings on the forum.
I forgive myesfl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl t ohave compared mysefl to beings on the streets.
I forgvie myself tath I have accepted anda llowed myself to have compared mysefl t omysefl .
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to have blamed the point of me having been vaccinated for my expression.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to manifest the construct of blame by blaming the vaccinations for my expression of mysfl within and as the experience of mysefl.
I forgive mysefl that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to separate mysefl from mysefl by blaming vacitationa which is in fact shame of my expression of mysefl.
I forgive mysel that i have acceptd and allowed mysefl t ohave not expressed mysefl as mysefl, and instead fall into blame on vaccitations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to have adopted the survvail characteristics from my mom.
I forgive myself that i have not accepetd and allowed mysefl to expand expound my expression of mysefl, and unconditionally embrace and realize mysefl for who i am as what i have accepted and allowed and then beomce one and queal to myself through this embracing.
I forgive mystl that i have not allowed myself to realize that the systems are supporting me, they are me, as me, it is not separate mysefl from them.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I am feeling really strange, my body keeps on going numb on me, my left side of my body. I know its my expression of myself, I thnk i am suppressing something, Its gotta be suppression. Well, ill look. I had stopped hanging out with friends, I stopped going to capoeira class, I stopped participation with patterns of relationship with family. I stopped applying mysefl the way that i had before, just forgiveness all day with no application, now its like i dont apply as much forgiveness anymore, not as much as I had. I dont presume that is the problem at the moment, i think its my starting point. My left arm goes numb, enslaving mysefl to something, i am ensaveing my expression of mysfl to something, its smoothering, the feeling is numb smothering. I have been trying things, kept getting worse, I am trapping mysefl into something.

School

I had not wanted to go back to school. i didnt really want to go to college but I ended up going becuae i did not want to stay in the house all day anymore. I had also needed money to go to south africa if i had the chance. I also needed money to pay for Structural Resonance alignment training. I was going to go to school and get government funding to pay for SRAT. While i was in school it just felt like i did not belong there. I know its just not werhe i want to be, stuck learning knowledge and infromation that i dont have any interest in. i dont want to separate mysefl from the system, its friking wired. I coontinually judge beings in my school, i can see the relationship ties, i can see the definitions of self towards others,I look at the people and want them to realize as well whats going on, i know that it is me actually seeing me and what i have made myself into. I have this desire to preach knowledge and imformation that I have yet to completley live. I have this desire to tell, this desire to share, and i continually desire to help other beings, without even helping myself, i go into the mind and just start moving in the mind, creating thoughts about beings regarding what I know about what the hell is going on in society. Its like there is shit right in our faces and i can see that there are peaopl just accepting it. And i am here allowing mysefl to be influenced by other people allwoing themselves to be influenced. i have always been this way. When seeing another being or otherbeigs doing something that I seem is not beneficail to them i deem them as in distess and that i should help, do something, but even thinking about it leads me to where i am now, numb and smothered.

I have been very forgeetfull recently, this forgetfulness has been building up for a while,my attention span keeps fluctuating, i keep allowing mysefl to become distracted, there is something, that i am allowing mysefl to just not see.
I think that when i am distracted, i am suppressing whatever it was that I was doing, or assume that something else can assist me. This has been my , out of few that i am aware of, most standing out point, i keep becoming distracted. Its like i have ADD.
I would forgive points and then when the point shows up again i would forget that I have forgiven it. and even react to it. Its strange when i would forgive something and it would show up again and then i would become reminded of forgiveing it. I had read and wathced that forgivenesses, points can reappear and to just breath, realize the scenario and forgive myself for it. I even forget about that point when facing my self forgiven points through life.
Its strange when forgiving myself and then stating the corrective action to correct myself, but when movement through life comes, where is my self corrective action, ive gone and forgot, its me not being completely aware of myself. I keep taking things too seriously, or its more like obsessing over something. I just keep seeing points that pop up to choose from. i think thats where a point is about me. Choice, i continue to choose. choose self forgivenessess. Well i know that is one point but i have got my whole arm, whole right side of body going numb, so guess this had compounded overtime, i dont konw, is it because i stopped everything? Could be, dont know, i dont presume that is the cause, the cause is me. I am allowing mysefl to define mysfl according to memories of how I used to be. My knees hurt me so that helps me to see that i am defining mysefl according to the past.
Its like i have either become blind or more aware of myself, i assume its blindnees within awareneess like i know that i am blind, that i am allowing mysefl to be blind but writing this allows me to see. My main thing is now to release mysefl from this baggage that i have on me. I dont really like that I have to, no, allow mysefl to go into extremes to see what the hell it is that I am doing, continually learning the hard way. Its strange, stability, so many wobbly points to be aware of, one point clear there goes another and remain clear on that point so i dont get wobbled back into the other point then wobble into another point because i found out that I had wobbled back to the first point so it becoms really complex. yet i know its really simple, it always the simple things that i look over,

Desire to tell, desire to preach, desire to share without living my words.